1)Pee-Wee Herman 4 Prez
by bigeareevee
Summary: This is a little story about Pee-wee Running for President of the US o' A


Prologue:

Pillsburry Doughboy:Heh Heh. That's right, with my new bread you can feed a family of thirty with just one minutr of baking.

Pee-wee Herman::That's right little doughman. And I know what your secret ingriedient is! YOU! Take this fat ass.

Pee-wee slices the doughboy in half.

Doughboy:You can never kill me! Your attempts are futile!

The separate doughboy halves regrow into two separate doughboys.

Pee-wee keeps chopping and the dough flys.

Finally there are 267,088 separate doughboys.

Munchkin doughboys(High Pitched):Die!

Pee-wee:Hmm. I saw this on some show with a dork in a gray suit and a red bow tie.

Pee-wee takes out a piece of cardboard and writes:This way to dough-hos.

He places his sign over the entrance of a walk in oven and all little doughboys enter.

Pee-wee:And that is that. Just pre-heat this oven to 1000 degrees celsius. Laa la la la AHH!

Pee-wee gets attacked by one lone doughboy.

Pee-wee:Why didn't you go in with the others?

Doughboy:One word. Gay…

Stab!

Pee-wee:AH AH MY EYE! AH!*Blood spurts everywhere* Haa haa. Just kidding it's actually a pack of Ketchup.

Pee-wee grabs the doughboy and bites his head off.

Pee-wee:Mmm, fruity. Hey that gives me an idea! I can sell all these deliciously baked doughboys to Nabisco and get some money.

He sells all the doughboys and makes 12.3 billion dollars

Ash:What to do. What to do.

Brock:You could heat your underpants on a plate over this fire.

Misty:Brock we heat our food on that plate. Uh…Ash…I cooked that pancake that you're eating on that plate.

Ash:Ugh…

He throws the pancake away and grabs another one.

Misty:I cooked that one on the plate too.

Ash throws away the pancake and grabs another

Misty:That one too.

Ash throws it away and grabs another.

Misty:Uh…Ash…It was cooked on the plate, but those are Brock's underpants.

Ash:Huh? Ewww!

Ash continues eating underpants.

Brock:Oh great I have to find a replacement.

Ash finishes the underpants and starts eating Brock's pants.

Misty:Ash! Those are Brock's pants!

Ash:Wha?

Ash eats pants.

Brock:Oh great now I have to find a substitute that can cover for under and regular pants, anyone have any boxershorts?

No one responds.

Brock:Fine. I'll find a substitute.

Misty:That's a beaver you're wearing…….owl….badger…..Ash….my underpants.

Brock:What was that?

Misty:Oh nothing.

A limo pulls up and a man steps out.

Man:Are you Hash Brown with Ketchup, Pissy, and Clock?

Ash:Close enough.

Man:Than I have to tell you something. That "UFO" you saw was not real. It was a weather balloon, do you hear me?

Misty:What UFO?

Man:Oh, you must be Ash Ketchum, Misty, and Brock. Come with me.

They climb inside the car.

Man:Your supposed friend is running for presidency. We will be arriving at his house shortly.

A sign goes by that says:Pee-wee Acres.

Misty:Hmmm….

They arrive and are greeted by Pee-wee.

Pee-wee:Hey Ash, Misty, and BreastBoy(See Down the River:A Pee-Wee Herman story) long time no see. I'm running for Prez. I thought I'd make it up to you Brock for canceling your TV show.

Brock:Wait. You canceledBreast Boy's Play Hose?

Pee-wee:Yes. Didn't you notice how whenever I appeared on the show I danced around naked. And to make it up to you I have decided to let my new Running mate be

Brock smiles gayly.

Pee-wee:you…'re friend Ash. He seems bright enough.

Misty:Where did you get the money for this?

Pee-wee:Never you mind that. Ash. The start of our campaign starts tomorrow. Iwant you to have a speech by then.

---The next day at Rally.---

Announcer:This rally determines who will be the Democratic Presidential runner. Al Gore or Pee-Wee Herman.

Pee-Wee Herman:I'm so nervous.

Ash:Just read the cards and you'll be okay.

Announcer:Our first speech shall be by Pee-Wee Herman.

Pee-Wee:Ahem. Hello delegates and reggaemaster voters.

Ash:That's registered you idiot!

Pee-Wee:I'm going to open my speech by saying I will improve our country by re-tiring cars.

Ash:That's retirement clause!

Pee-wee:I can't read a damn thing off these cards.

Ash:That's scantly this country is a tub of lard!

Al Gore:My turn clown face.

Al:I wish to open my speech by saying I would like to improve this country's retirement clause.

Crowd:BOOO! We want our cars re-tired!

Announcer:In a shocking turn of events Pee-Wee herman stole the Democrat running campaign. He will now compete against the republican runner.

-----A week later----

TV:In a shocking turn of events Pee-Wee's popularity dropped 78% after this photo of him naked in a window was released.

Ash:Oh great! Now we're ruined. Keep your pants on when you open the curtains! There is still one trick up my sleeve.

Ash wipes nose on sleeve.

Brock:Say Ash. What are you and P. Wee doing with 50 lbs. Of crackers?

Misty:Yeah Ass….Uh VHS…uh You.

Ash:Thanks to that last idiot president he made it legal for ducks to vote. I'm going down to the park and throwing crackers at ducks. Maybe then we'll see who's leading in this race.

Misty:Right…

---Pond in park---

Ash:Quack Quack Quack Quack(Vote P.W.)

Ducks:QUACK QUACK!(SURE SURE! GIVE US MORE CRACKERS!)

Ash:Heh, heh thank goodness that he made ducks legal voters.

Voice:Heh, heh thank goodness he made trees legal voters.

Ash:Hey! Who's there?

Gary steps out of the bushes.

Ash:Who are you working for?

Gary:Him…

Man:Me.

Man steps out of bushes.

Bill Cosby:You seem like an idiot and the only challenge to me would be that independent party. It has a red haired woman and a blue haired man. You, you're just a Japanese stereotype in a hat.

Ash:Aw…..

----Final round of Campaigns----

Announcer:The votes are almost entirely tallied and Team Rocket has received less than 20% of the vote, Bill Cosby 40% and Pee-wee Herman 40%. The final tally is in Pee-Wee wins by one vote.

Gary:Damn tree! I told you VOTE COSBY! But nooooooooo! You voted for Pee-Wee.

Tree:I only vote Democrat.

Pee-Wee(falsetto):AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WON! AHHHH!

Ash:I'm your Vice President!

Pee-Wee:Oh I'd like to introduce my speech writer, Vice President, and all around… uh all around…ASH!

Man(meekly):Yay…

Judge:Do you swear to up hold the laws of the country over your deathbed and so on and so forth…

Pee-Wee:I d-

Judge:By the power vested in me by the District of Columbia I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Ash:Oh isn't it wonderful.

Ash kissses Pee-Wee.

Pee-wee:You were supposed to swear me into office.

Judge:Meh…

Pee-Wee:Well might as well report to the White House.

Meowth:Team Rocket never loses a presidential election.

Jessie/James/Meowth:HA HA HA HA HA!

----White House----

Ash:Might I suggest a new staff.

Pee-Wee:Why?

Ash:You're entire cabinet consists of one dog chair, a green chair with a urine stain and a mouth, "Refridgerator Buddies", and a robot that spurts out words from it's breasts.

Pee-Wee:What about them, Hmmmmmmm?!

Ash:Fine forget it…

Pee-Wee:We address the nation tonight. Write me a new speech.

Ash:Fine. This time don't screw it up.

--That Night—

Pee-Wee:…and to that affect I did NOT eat that dog! It was my neighbor…uh…Green-Pea…

Crowd snores loudly.

Misty:That speech you wrote really got the crowd quiet.

Brock:SNORE!

Ash:I have to write a new joke. Uh. A charmander sits on a toilet and…no…uh…Pikachu is SOOOOO gay…no…Brock is woman…no…

Jessie:Prepare for Trouble

James:We aren't very sublte.

Jessie:To protect the world from confligration!

James:To observe the trees from our ranger station.

Jessie:For giving this fat guy a good shove.

James:To get apples from this tree above.

Jessie:Jeznee

James:Jamez

Meowth:Moo moo. Iam a cow. Oh come on. You took all week to write this motto and you made me a cow.

James:Yes. An evil rocket cow.

Man:Yeah! More.

Clap clap.

Jessies:Thank you.

Jessie bows.

Ash:I'll take care of these people Pee-wee.

Pee-wee:All right! I did run over the dog! But I did not eat it!

Ash:Go Charizard.

Japanese ambassador:It is Godzirra! We must free!

Misty:Do you think you can lay off the giant lizardo mons? My Turn! Go Blastoise!

Japanese ambassador:It is Gamera! We must free!

Brock:My turn. Go Venmoth!

Japanese ambassador:It is Mothra! We must free!

Jessie:Alright Pee Face!

Pee-Wee:Okay maybe I nibble on the dog a little.

James putPee-wee (still talking) in a pouch.)

Pee-wee(in pouch):Okay maybe I hacked of a leg or two and bit into them.

Judge:That's it you! I will not tolerate kidnapings. Pee-wee! I'm revoking your wedding vows!

Pee-Wee:I ate the brain…What? Hey! I'm the president. I'm not married.

Judge:Fine. You're relieved from office.

James:We're shoe in for presidents now.

Judge:I now bequeth the office of President on Ja-a-a-a-a-chooo! Sorry. I now appoint Bill Cosby and Gayree President and vice president.

Bill Cosby:Now that I'm President I have a few changes to make. The national food is now Jell-o brand Jello-o Mix. And all stations must show 18 hours of my ol show the Bill Cosby Show. And if one station show that Pee-We…

Epilogue:

As for Pee-Wee and Team Rocket they fled to Mexico where James got married to a gay Sailor and Jessie got married to a burrito. Pee-Wee got 20years-life for saying,"Tacos Suck!" in a public area.


End file.
